I’m ready for this . . . . .

This weekend I’ve done a lot of thinking and contemplating the future. I’m feeling very positive about the next transfer, maybe helped in some strange way by the chemical pregnancy because although BFN it did begin to implant so I see that as a good sign. I’ve bought conception specific vitamins and am going to prepare all I can for the next round.

Transfer #7 We are ready for you, bring it on! 😀


13DP5DT – OTD – BFN #5

Today I am not looking back, it just wasn’t meant to be this time 😢. Booked in for teach appointment 1st July hopefully with a view to starting again end of July.

Looking forward to a week away next week with lots of much needed R&R 👪 ❤❤

12DP5DT – Google is not my friend . . . . .

Tomorrow is OTD #6, following my car crash of a week I decided not to torture myself so have not tested today.

I’m sure all of you out there who have experienced the dreaded 2ww could take a pretty good guess of my Google history these last few days. The number of frer images I have seen must run into the 1000’s 😂😂😂.

Today I have been mostly googling things like FRER line gets lighter then gets darker again 🙈🙈🙈 in the vague hope that somehow there could be a happy ending to this cycle. Of course I know I’m clutching at straws, I know all about chemical pregnancies and have heard loads of stories over the years, none of them had happy endings 😢.

And so, I have to test tomorrow FMU to give my result to the clinic when they call. I know what the outcome will be but tonight I can only dream 💕💕💕💕

11DP5DT – They think it’s all over . . . . . .

I was struggling last night as still feeling symptoms, uteral pulsing and lower back pain, bloating and just feeling pregnant. I do not want to believe that it is all over.

Last night I prayed that this mornings outcome would be good news but I knew in my gut that there was no way that could happen.

This morning confirms my 5th BFN. OTD is not until 13th but following BFP’S which then changed to BFN I know nothing will change in 2 days.

I suppose this is exactly the reason that early testing is not recommended.

I know the IVF process can put enormous strain on relationships but I’m proud to say that for us this just isn’t the case. In many ways it has made us stronger, it has helped us to open up and communicate better, hence our what next? Conversation last night.

We both agreed that the ‘almost BFP’ had made us realise that giving up when we’ve come this far is not really an option, I don’t believe I could ever get closure knowing that we had 3 more chances and threw them away. We’re going to plough on through 😀 at least for now xx

10DP5DT – Devastated

Today’s POAS has not gone well, following progressive darkening over previous 3 days, today FMU produced such a feint line it could hardly be seen.

I panicked and took a second test obvs not FMU but should have produced an obvious positive and it didn’t.

Digital shows not pregnant. Today is not a good day, where do I go from here? 😢😢😢

Just clinging onto the hope that FMU. tomorrow will be different but it looks like my dream has been snatched from my grasp 😭😭

9DP5DT – 6th Sense 🤔🤔🤔

I’m sure it’s just a coincidence but my 4 year old these last few days has been paying particular interest to my belly. She keeps lifting my top up and resting her head on it and says she can hear it talking 😕😕. This morning she asked me how babies got into your belly, then I realised the ‘birds and bees’ story is so much more complexed in an IVF household, I just waffled on about seeds and she seemed happy enough.

And still the ‘ultra early’ cheap tests are not even showing even a feint line.