Fragile state of mind

Today’s been hard, I think it’s been made worse because my other half is away for 3 days and I’m not in work. Yesterday and today have been the longest days ever. 

Another addition to the anguish has been the constant coverage of the royal baby.  I don’t mind admitting there have been a few tears.  I switched over to watch a documentary about Frank Bruno and his daughter and wept most of the way through that too!!  It seems anything involving families just reminds me what I may never have 😥

Need to pull myself together tomorrow.



BFN #2 Still no better :(

This FET seems to have affected me much more than last time.  I can’t  think straight!!  Had to ring the clinic today with the test result and I think it really hit home!

Oh well,  on the bright side I suppose, at least I’ m off the drugs for at least 3 months!

Onwards snd upwards!! Regroup!!  Start again tomorrow. I’m going to write some lists of things to do to keep me busy,  just hope my brain catches up soon!!!

Melt down

Well after 17 days of nuturing and making plans for a non existant baby today was melt down. I Thought I was doing ok until the overwhelming urge ro kill someone came over me.  Lots of snot, tears and screaming and a very bewildered other half.  I really don’t know how many times I can put us both through this 😥


I’m feeling a little more positive today.  Got news last night that one of the girls I got friendly with at the clinic got bfp with one frostie.

Although I still have no symptoms and at the back of my mind think it hasn’t worked.  It’s given me renewed hope.


7DP3DT – Halfway there . . . . . .

1 down 1 to go!!! The longest week ever!!! 

I can’t believe that before all this started I was worried about the meds, the needles,  the blood tests and the internal scans!!  By far the worst part of this process is the 2ww,  I’d forgotten how bad!!!  

Role on next Saturday,  I’ll either be having a very sober celebtration or having a very large glass of wine!!!

6DP3DT – Negative yet proactive!!

Today I KNOW it’s not worked,  I’ve not done a test but I just have a gut feeling!!  I’ve decided rather than wallowing in self pity and thoughts of ‘what if’  and getting upset,  I’m going to use the negative feelings to my advantage and be proactive!!! 

I’ve done some reading up this morning on the best things to eat and the best vitamins to take while trying to concieve and I’m going to do everything by the book and start working towards the next try.

Been out at lunch time and got all the green veg with antioxidants, orange juice, beans and pulses.  Pregnacare trying to conceive tablets (enough for 3 months until the next try) .  So that’s me all set,  next time is a fresh cycle and I’ll be ready for it!!!  I’ve already lost 7 lbs since starting my healthy eating so hopefully by try #3 I’ll also be perfect weight.

Nothing can stop me now. Xx

4DP3DT – Staring at the same old walls again!

I can’t believe I’m in this waiting room again,  I know this room better than my own bedroom!!

I’ve just come hopefully for a few answers from the head consultant. The appointment was made 2 months ago so has maybe (hopefully) become irrelevent.  I thought I’d come anyway to find out why down reg took 9 months of the same drug month after month.

Now I’m here though, I’ve no idea what to ask, I knew I should have written questions down!