Week 14 – NT Results, growing pains and renewed motivation

Firstly to update you all on the doppler situation,  I decided that as I had found renewed confidence in the pregnancy since the 12 week scan, to jeapordise that when unable to find a heart beat was not a good idea.   I cancelled the order and I’m sure,  for me it was the right decision.

At last I have symptoms (very minimal and very far between).  I have had even more growing pains this week.  I have to be careful not to stand up to fast or sit in the wrong position.   It’s not unbearable though, in fact it makes me feel better ha ha.

As promised,  this week I have felt motivated and almost energetic! ! Did a full spring clean last week, so after weeks of doing the bare minimum,  the house is now back to normal. 

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My list writing and organising has also come back with avengeance and I am more determined than ever to organise my life and my household!

I have been maybe a little over confident this week,  Mothercare has a sale on so I bought a steriliser set.   It was delivered last week and because I was at work,  the delivery driver left it with my neighbour.   Don’t get me wrong I really appreciate this as it means I do not have to rearrange the delivery,  however,  I did not envisage the contents of the box being plastered all over the outside gggrrr.  So when I went to pick it up I’m sure they knew because I went bright red! ! I just smiled sweetly and hoped for the best,  they’re not the most discreet of neighbours! !!

Not only am I 14 Weeks today, even better than that, when I had NT scan last week the nurse said if I was high risk I’d get a phone call by yesterday and I haven’t YAY!!! If it is low risk they send a letter which may take longer she said, I can wait.

14 days to next midwife appointment when will hear smudges heartbeat for the first time 🙂

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Week 13 – Quietly confident.

The latest scan seems to be helping me to relax.   Yesterday OH and I actually had a conversation about smudge, it’s the first time we’ve allowed ourselves to believe it’s actually going to happen!

We had the conversation about whether to find out the gender.  I’m torn!  On the one hand,  it would be sooooo much easier to know,  I could decorate the nursery in advance etc. I’ve always thought that this would be what I wanted but now I’m not too sure.

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The torment last week about stopping the progesterone pessaries has been proven unfounded,  it’s been a week and nothing had changed, in previous cycles after 2 days it had caused AF so maybe the docs were right after all 🙂

Week 12 +6 – Still in awe! !

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Transfer day 26/05/14

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8 weeks 2 days 03/07/14

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12 weeks 6 days 04/08/14

My smudgy is now 6.7 cm long.  He was playing up today for the sonographer and would not stay still long enough for her to measure for NT so it took her ages.  Eventually she measured  at 1.5 which is within normal range.  

Tonight I am a happy little chick!!! 

Week 12 + 6 – Terrified to the point of tears

Today is scan day.  I never thought this day would come.   To say I am nervous doesn’t even come close! !!  I joined a birth club online and every day someone else has their scan and gets bad news having known nothing about it beforehand.   Maybe I’m just being realistic,  I don’t want to go in there assuming everything is great,  only to be told it’s not and it hasn’t been for a few weeks.  I’m just praying to see my smudge healthy and happy,   wishing for movement and a strong visible heartbeat.

I’ve now even started willing symptoms to happen exactly as I do during the 2ww.  Last night I found it uncomfortable to lie on my belly so had to sleep on my side,  I’m convinced it’s my mind playing tricks, it was only Saturday that I read about how, at this stage,  it should be difficult to sleep on my front! ! Strange that! !!

Smudge can be wearing tap shoes and doing the river dance and it still probs won’t reassure me for long though.  It’s 4 weeks and 4 days since I was reassured last time (and that calmness didn’t last long). 

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Dr Google has been a busy little bee this week, searches of the week as you can probably guess have mostly been missed miscarriage related.  

I wonder if I would be this insecure had I not had IVF?  I’m really not an insecure person.

Please let it be my day xxxx

Week 12 + 4 – Excruciating pain

About 3am this morning I woke up in soooo much pain.  The cramp was so severe I couldn’t sit up and it took half an hour before it subsided.   It wasn’t AF type pain it felt like a muscular cramp right across my belly (halfway between pubic bone and belly button). 

I have had these pains before  when I stand up too fast in the wrong way but it has only last a couple of seconds and it’s been nowhere near as severe.  I really hope it’s a stretching sign rather than anything more sinister 😦

Week 12 + 3 – Going a bit mental!

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On the one hand I feel nothing and am convinced that all is not well.   On the other hand I’m trawling eBay and putting bids on ridiculous stuff! !!  As soon as I’d done it I regretted it and couldn’t understand why I’d done it,  it was like an out of body experience! !  I bid on a bottle steriliser and a breast pump? ???!!!  WTF!!!  Thank god I didn’t win them ha ha.  

Maybe it’s my subconscious way of staying positive 🙂 at this rate the next 28 weeks could cost me a fortune! !!

And I thought the 2ww was bad,  I seem to be stuck in the 40ww!!!! Roll on monday!!